I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
