Are we in a gay sports bar?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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