Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
