i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Come see our sink grown plant.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
