Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
