Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
