Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
