Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
