Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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