I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
