So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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