i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
