just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
