i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize