Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
