I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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