Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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