that's an acceptable place to lick
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
