yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
false alarm, still single
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
