hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I need moral support for this bender
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
