i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
