You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
