I think scott just propositioned me for sex
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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