I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
