M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
