next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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