I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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