i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
