I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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