just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
