our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
