My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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