So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
