1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You may now shotgun with the bride
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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