Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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