I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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