im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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