in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
