We named our party play list daddy issues
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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