i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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