This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
