Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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