my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
