I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
