Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
