The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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