i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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