A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize