I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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