He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
