Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
