I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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