so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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