i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
