i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
