Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
