I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
